"

Innocence is remarking how sad it is that people have to know about things like child molesters and kidnappers and so now have to think about ways of protecting their children. Or how terrible it is that they have to be knowledgeable of rape culture and so have to be concerned for themselves when they walk to their car. Which is implicitly shaming survivors for daring to speak and breaking one small piece of their precious little innocence.

Or how horrible it is to tell your children that gay people exist, or trans* or maybe one day (heaven forbid!) that people who defy these neat categories also exist.

God forbid anyone who isn’t straight or cis or white or financially comfortable or non-abused not live in fear and shame and silence for the sake of your own comfort and innocence.

I’m not saying, “CHILDREN SHOULD BE TOLD EVERYTHING FROM BIRTH.” But I am saying that innocence, as a concept and as the way it is reinforced, comes at the expensive of trampling on those that aren’t innocent. It is as though by families shielding their eyes from the wounded bodies lying on the ground, they can walk all over them and claim good intentions and innocence as their excuse. And sometimes? In fact, far more than sometimes, it’s your own kids that you’re walking over.

"

The price of innocence, Somaticstrength (via somaticstrength)

fuck innocence

(via honeynbees)

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

etinsomnisveritas:

This idea that Pro-Lifers only care about the first nine months of a child life, and then dont want have anything to do with it, is complete nonsense. Pro-lifers are fighting against an evil that is accepted by society. Its a given that poverty and social injustice are bad things - but first of all we have to combat something that has been accepted by society as a natural thing. Once abortion has been abolished, then they put all their energy into irradiating child poverty - plenty of whom already do. Society thinks that it can divert attention from itself by pointing to the other evils in the world - a trap we must not fall into.

Yeah, working backwards sounds like a great idea. Instead of striving to eliminate the reasons people have for getting abortions, like poverty, abuse, and lack of education, let’s just force said people to continue unwanted, dangerous pregnancies. Then, maybe, if they’re lucky, you guys will help out. Makes total sense to me.

"Regardless where you stand on immigration issues, a border fence, amnesty, etc., or on same-sex marriage and equal rights for LGBT citizens, how can you be in favor of making it easier to commit violence against LGBT or immigrant women? I cannot believe our national debate has come to this point – where we are singling out parts of the population and making them more vulnerable to violence."

Congressman Eliot Engel (D-NY) criticized the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act saying the bill passed on Wednesday puts women’s lives in jeopardy because it excludes access to services for immigrant, LGBT and Native American women.  (via nbclatino)

I mean, “singling out parts of the population and making them more vulnerable to violence” is what institutional oppression is - it’s just not always as visible as this. 

But yes, this whole thing is fucking ridiculous. 

(via viviopsis)

(via seriouslyamerica)

The House’s Immigrant Betrayal With New Violence Against Women Act →

cosmopolitan-fascist:

Mony Ruiz-Velasco, director of legal services at the National Immigrant Justice Center, has been representing immigrant victims of domestic violence for 15 years. In all of the hundreds of cases she has worked on, she says, “I’ve never had a case where the abuser did not use his immigration status as a tool.”

Often an abusive American citizen or permanent resident with an immigrant wife will threaten her with deportation, which could separate her from her American children. Or he’ll begin the paperwork to sponsor his spouse for a green card but threaten to withdraw it. “You have no rights in this country,” an abuser will tell his victim, says Ruiz-Velasco…

The Violence Against Women Act offers these women some protection. But on Wednesday, House Republicans passed a reauthorization bill that significantly weakens it, claiming that VAWA facilitates immigration fraud.

“For those of us who’ve been in the antiviolence movement for the last 30 years, some of the biggest victories are being completely turned on their head by what’s going on,” says Mallika Dutt, president and CEO of Breakthrough, a human-rights organization that has worked closely with immigrant victims of violence.

fuckyeahfeminists:

overratedunderwhelmed:

sanityscraps:

fuckyeahfeminists:

DEAD

Rihanna - feminist icon?

I just kind of lost all respect for her after she got back with Chris Brown. Lack of money/resources, having kids with a partner…those are usually the reasons it’s a lot easier said than done leaving an abuser. But she has money and resources out the ying-yang, no kids with Brown…so she chose to go back to him. 

So I normally do not look at the responses or notes in my blog because it is often a lot to go through or I am just too busy. However, I saw this on my phone and I felt like I had to respond because this is really worrisome logic and I think this is something that needs to be address.

First of all, I chose this screencap because I thought it was kickass that Rihanna used a snarky ass response to some fucking slut-shaming and body policing. It’s one thing to disagree with someone’s outfit, but to equate covering one’s body and ‘classing it up’ is just not okay. The media been having fun trying to hate on her and I like that she fought back in her little way. While she herself may not be a feminist (I have no idea if she is or not - and frankly, right now I don’t care), the act of speaking out against that shit can be seen as a feminist act.

Secondly, I think it’s really fucking problematic for us to only find victims/survivors to return to abusers acceptable under certain circumstances. There is more to being in an abusive relationship than economic dependency. The person being abused can be more successful, have more potential for independence, have friends, etc. That does not change the inevitable mental and emotional manipulation that happens to someone abused. Remember, this person loves the individual that has created this terrible trap - even if it isnt physical it is most definitely mental. So there are more reason than just MONEY or CHILDREN for people to stay.

Many couples don’t have children. Many teens end up in abusive relationships and stay. Most of these teens are not economically dependent on their partner, but rather their guardians. Should we judge these teens who go back to abusers because there’s “no reason” to stay or return? No. Fuck that.

THIS SORT of mentality is what perpetuates this victim-blaming culture where we still hold this disproportional responsibility on the abused to avoid being abused. People lose respect for Rihanna and then Chris Brown is celebrated and the rest of us is told to “move on?”

Fine, say you lose respect for Rihanna. That’s your perogative. But DON’T create this hierarchy of ‘acceptable reasons to stay with your abuser.’ That’s really fucking wrong and that’s personally hurtful - I know what it’s like to be trapped mentally in an abusive relationship. It isn’t just about physical dependency. There’s so much more. And existing in a culture where the abused has to deal with so much more scrutiny not only for being abused, but for their behavior before and after that it is no wonder people feel inclined to stay.

It is so easy to blame yourself - I know I’ve done that and sometimes slip into that mentality today YEARS later, but I can’t IMAGINE how tough it is to have millions of people around the world blaming you, saying your abuser is innocent, etc. It can be so easy to really just give in to one’s feelings and take an easier (at least in the short run) choice to go back.

In the end, I totally know it must be hard for her. I know how hard it is for other survivors. We need to check ourselves when we decide to choose to comment on the decisions of people while in the really fucking hard period of going through a violence relationship. Perhaps I should not be respected for going back to abusers - to people who have bruised me, sent me to the hospital, raped me. But I know deep down I am not to blame and there are a million different reasons and other pressures that make it so hard to leave.

/end rant

projectunbreakable:

Photographed in Seattle, WA on April 19th.

—

Not sure what Project Unbreakable is? Click here.

Want to be a part of Project Unbreakable? Email us at projectunbreakable@gmail.com

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Find us on Facebook & Twitter

View submissions here

(Source: projectunbreakable)

White House Threatens To Veto House GOP's 'Violence Against Women Act' | TPM Livewire →

justinspoliticalcorner:

The White House on Tuesday issued a veto threat to the House Republican version of the Violence Against Women Act.

“The Administration strongly opposes H.R. 4970, a bill that would undermine the core principles of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA),” reads a statement from the Office of Management and Budget. OMB griped about provisions that, unlike the Senate-passed version, exclude protections for Native Americans and LGBT domestic violence andundocumented immigrants.

The Administration urges the House to find common ground with the bipartisan Senate-passed bill and consider and pass legislation that will protect all victims.  H.R. 4970 rolls back existing law and removes long-standing protections for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault – crimes that predominately affect women.  If the President is presented with H.R. 4970, his senior advisors would recommend that he veto the bill.

h/t: Sahil Kapur at TPM LiveWire

Good.

(via sarahlee310)

House GOP Would Let Domestic Abusers Know Their Victims Called For Help →

I feel sick.

The GOP-led House’s version of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) would not only strip away Senate-passed protections for undocumented, LGBT, and Native American victims, it also contains a dangerous provision that violates an undocumented victim’s confidentiality by allowing immigration officials to speak with, and ask for evidence from, his or her abuser.

eloquentvibes:

ladyatheist:

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

goldenphoenixgirl:

EVERYONE needs to know this. This is how nearly all abusive relationships play out, nearly all of the time. It’s very, very common and very important. 

Bear in mind that “violent outbursts” can also mean mental/verbal abuse, shoving or holding someone down, throwing things at the person or threats.

Usually, this cycle worsens and worsens throughout the relationship. The violent episodes last longer and longer and the honeymoon phase gets shorter or may disappear completely, leaving the relationship bouncing back and forth between tension and explosions. 

Please reblog if you think your readers could be helped by this?

I am reblogging this because if I had seen a chart like this in high school I could have recognized my abusive relationship for what it was. And this goes for almost every woman I have ever encountered that has been in an abusive relationship.

(via thepersonalispolitic)

this is the second poster I made for my gender and violence project about disney films. Something that really struck me about the little mermaid was not that actual domestic violence happens in the film (which differentiates it from a film like Beauty and the Beast), but rather that there was a very large potential for violence in the situation that Ariel is in. She’s basically an immigrant - she doesn’t speak the language (in fact, for the first part of her time on land she can’t speak at all), she has no understanding of the culture, she has no family or friends there, and her only support is her husband. If she were to be abused, how would she ask for help? How would she find resources? How would she get herself out of that situation? This is the problem that many immigrant women face when they are in situations of domestic violence, and the poster reflects those parallels. 

(Source: thescarletwoman, via feministblackboard)

"Ohio bill would block domestic violence, cancer screening, HIV/AIDS funding for Planned Parenthood" (Plunderbund 2012) →

da731:

“In addition to restricting the flow of federal ‘family planning’ funds, House Bill 487, sponsored by Representative Ron Amstutz and adopted without a recorded vote by members of the House Finance and Appropriations Committee, completely prohibits the distribution to Planned Parenthood of Ohio or any of its affiliates from any of the following federal programs:

• Violence Against Women Act
• Breast and Cervical Cancer Mortality Prevention Act
• Infertility Prevention Project (US Dept of Health & Human Services)
• Minority HIV/AIDS initiative funds (Centers for Disease Control)”

Really, Ohio? Are these people trying to get voted out of office?

(via fuckyeahplannedparenthood)

What to do if your partner refuses to wear a condom

sexreeducated:

People are always complaining about condoms; but condoms so drastically reduce the risk of becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and avoiding pregnancy, however, that it’s worth finding a way to change your partner’s mind. Here are a few time-tested strategies that may help.

1. Plan ahead. Before things get hot and heavy, set ground rules with your partner about what risks you’re willing to take and which measures you’ll take to protect yourselves and each other.
2. Get the right size. One condom does not fit all. Luckily condoms come in many shapes, sizes, colors, flavors, textures, and materials, so chances are pretty good that there’s a style that fits your needs for comfortable and enjoyable sex. Make sure to try different condoms and lubes with your partners to find what works best for them. For instance, you can find ribbed or studded condoms to increase friction for both partners, or something with a warming lubricant. “Microthin” condoms minimize the barrier between partners without sacrificing safety. You can experiment with different shapes such as Trojan’s Twisted Pleasure or the extra-loose Pleasure Plus, which claims to simulate unprotected sex.
3. Try Reality, a female condom. If you’re a woman who can’t get her man to wear a regular condom, you might try the Reality female condom, which you wear in your vagina. These should not, however, be used in conjunction with male condoms, as friction between the two can cause tears.
4. Adjust your attitude. Insist the use of a condom is about protecting not just you, but your partner as well. Asking a partner to wear a condom is not an indication of a lack of love, but a true expression of the affection that you share.
5. Try to keep it up. Some men have difficulty maintaining an erection while wearing a condom. Sometimes a poor-fitting condom causes this, and other times, it’s psychological, related to a sexual dysfunction, or caused by alcohol- or drug-related erectile dysfunction (ED). If switching condoms (or sobering up) doesn’t resolve the issue, see your doctor.
6. Be practical. Sliding on a condom doesn’t have to put the fun on hold. Do what you can to minimize the interruption, such as keeping an ample supply of condoms within arm’s reach.
7. Most importantly- DON’T GIVE IN. If your partner chooses not to be safe or protect you and themselves, don’t have sex with them. If someone who is given a variety of options, still chooses to not be safe and show their marked lack of caring for you, this is NOT someone you want to sleep with. Do not ever feel coerced or pressured to have unsafe sex, it is your right to be protected with any and every partner- if someone is unwilling to commit to that, they are not someone you should sleep with.

If you need a birth control method that you can control and keep private, there are some options. In order of effectiveness:

• The IUD is inserted into the uterus in one doctor’s visit and lasts up to 12 years. It’s expensive up front (anywhere from $500 to $1000 including the exam, the IUD, insertion, and follow-up visits), but is inexpensive in the long run. >99% effective.
• Implanon is a rod inserted into the arm, and lasts up to 3 years. It costs between $400 and $800 up front. >99% effective.
• Depo Provera is an injection given every 3 months. It costs $35-$75 per injection, plus any exam fees. >99% when used as directed.
• Birth control pills are a little harder to keep private, because they must be taken at the same time every day. They cost anywhere from $15 to $50 a month. >99% when used as directed.
• Nuvaring is a vaginal ring inserted in the vagina for 3 weeks a month. While your partner will likely never feel it, the ring can be taken out for up to 3 hours at a time, if you have any concerns. >99% when used as directed.
• The morning-after pill, sold as Plan B One-Step, ella, or Next Choice, is emergency contraception. It is not meant for regular use. It prevents pregnancy up to 3 days after unprotected sex, and is 89% effective in that time period. The sooner it is taken, the more effective it will be.

(Source: health.com)

curiousgeorgiana:

babstheartist:

themindislimitless:

tw: abuse, rape, domestic violence

feministblackboard:

A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.

The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.

Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.

The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.

The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.

One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.

WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?

Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.

holy fuck im crying.

I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control.  I was on the pill until he found them in my purse. 

I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.

Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo. 

When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.

And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.

I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy. 

I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

It’s time…to talk about it.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month →

Tuesday is the SAAM “Day of Action.” You can participate by changing your profile pictures and focusing your status updates, tweets, and blog posts on SAAM and the Day of action. The theme this year is, “It’s time…” It’s time to talk to your friends about sexual assault and consent. It’s time to share your story or volunteer. It’s time to talk about respect and healthy relationships. It’s time to talk about it.

Our local rape victim advocacy program is hosting games, workshops, readings, movies, wristband and coaster campaigns, Take Back the Night, and the Clothesline Project. If you can’t find anything happening in your area, there are other ways to participate. Talk to your friends, hang posters, host open mic nights, or organize a Take Back the Night rally, march or candlelight vigil.