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This is a really disturbing article about how crisis pregnancy centers pressure pregnant people into adoption. It mainly focuses on Bethany Christian Services, but Care Net, the largest CPC organization in the country, has also been exposed as practicing coercive adoption.
An abortion saved me. It saved me from an abusive relationship. It saved me mentally and physically. You want MORE crisis pregnancy centers? I got called a slut, I got told lies and was degraded. They didn't care about me, they didn't care about helping. They just wanted the fetus in me to be born. She didn't even know my name, but she knew that something killing me was still more important.
I don’t know what you want me to say.
It appears you believe murder is an acceptable way to get out of a horrible situation. That the only way to get out of an abusive relationship when pregnant is to get your unborn child crushed and pulled out of you. Congratulations.
May you be happy for the rest of your life. - Gabbie
Wow, the civility in oh-snap-pro-lifers answer is near non-existent. They’re blatant disregard for the anon above’s well-being is astonishing.
The anon is trying to get you to emit empathy for their situation, which you are clearly incapable of, the only thing you are able to empathize with is a fetus, which isn’t saying much as fetuses are non-sentient beings whom have no thoughts or feelings (physical or emotional.)
Let this be a reminder that no matter how dire your situation may be, no matter how hard the choice was you had to make, no matter the reason, OSPL will make you feel like shit and provide no support, just judgement and hate.
To the anon: if you need anything we’re here for you. I know what you went through was really tough and you do not deserve the judgment and shaming OSPL has spewed at you. If you’d like someone to talk to Exhale is a really great post-abortion counseling hotline, no judgment just love. Stay strong, and just know you are not alone and you do not deserve to be judged or shamed. - Paige
If anon wanted support and comfort they wouldn’t have come gloating to a pro life blog.
All anon wanted to do was rub her abortion in my face to try and get some sort of angry emotional reaction from me.
If she wanted support she would have gone to you. I’m never going to support that. Abusive relationships are horrible, but abortion isn’t the only way out.
They, like many of us, are attacked by your movement on a daily basis for having an abortion, they were reaching out looking for an empathetic ear. They were not gloating, they were sharing their experience trying to help your community understand where they were coming from, they were trying to help you empathize with them, show you that their choice to have an abortion was our of need, and it helped save THEIR life, to which you replied like an asshat clearly unsatisfied with the fact that their life was saved.
In their case, they felt it was absolutely necessary to have an abortion as part of their plan to evade an abusive and possibly deadly relationship. Let’s take a look at the statistics shall we?
Provided by Your-Lies-Ruin-Lives:
- "Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause , and evidence exists that a significant proportion of all female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners." [X]
- "Pregnancy can be an especially dangerous time for women in abusive relationships, and abuse can often begin or escalate during the pregnancy." [X]
They did what they felt was absolutely necessary to save their life, so who the fuck are you to tell them otherwise? Are you them? No, so you don’t get to say what they should/should not have done, you have NO right.
I thought Christians were supposed to not judge and condemn? You may want to go back and do some reading, you can’t just pick and choose what parts of the bible you want to practice and what parts you don’t. - Paige
This is the most breathtakingly self-centered, confused response I’ve ever seen from an anti-abortion blog. I hope this person never works directly with clients or patients. The asker was trying to show that the pro-life resources they sought did more harm than good, and all they got from this “pro-lifer” was more verbal abuse and a complete (deliberate?) misinterpretation of their words. “Gloating?” “Rub[bing] her abortion in my face?” Unbelievable.
If you haven’t seen it before, a post on reproductive coercion had an amazing response from Curious Georgiana about how Planned Parenthood helped her survive her abusive, coercive relationship by providing unconditional, nonjudgmental support and discreet birth control services.
In contrast, the documentary 12th & Delaware features a woman who was encouraged by a crisis pregnancy center to stay with her abusive partner and have the baby, suggesting it would “change him.” In another instance, a woman in an abusive relationship was told by CPC staff that it was her fault for “not letting him lead,” that she was “subjugating his masculinity,” and that “spare the rod and spoil the child is meant for the wife as well in some more difficult cases.”
TRUST PEOPLE WHO ARE BEING ABUSED TO KNOW WHAT THEY NEED. Even if this means staying with their abuser. Even if it means making choices you don’t agree with. Their self-worth, self-reliance, and autonomy is already under attack - our job as support systems is not to reinforce that by criticizing or dictating their decisions. Enduring abuse is about survival, and only victims have that intimate knowledge to decide what needs to happen for them to survive.
I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control. I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do."
Some people live in places where it is easy to acquire contraceptives, and some people live in places where they will not be judged for doing so.
But not everyone is able to live this way, so here are a few tips on how to purchase and hide your prophylactics in peace.
NOTE: No hiding place is completely foolproof, and if you will put yourself in danger because of your sexual activity, then use your judgement on this one. This is for people who are not in danger and have a certain amount of privacy afforded to them; people in abusive relationships do not have those privileges.
Some people have suggested hollowing out a book, and you cou can tape your birth control to the underside of your desk or the back of your bookshelf as well.
There are also different kinds of contraceptives that, while more expensive and ineffective against STIs, are longer-lasting and don’t require storage outside your own body. IUDs, Implanon, Depo Provera, and NuvaRing last anywhere from a month to 12 years, and are virtually undetectable by parents, guardians, and significant others (though you can remove the NuvaRing for up to three hours, if necessary). Planned Parenthood has more on these methods of birth control.
For people who take hormonal birth control pills and want to hide them, I’ve done some research.
These are my pills:
They easily fit:
In a pad wrapper
In a jewelry box/music box
Taped under my dresser drawers/desk keyboard pull-out
In a Day-Quil Box like this one (I keep it in my back pack so no one will most likely see it):
In a shoe/slipper
Taped to the back of my desktop computer’s monitor
In large DVD cases. I was able to fit it in my Band of Brothers DVD case
I was able to tape it to the back of my head board (it is a couple inches from the wall, so I didn’t have to move any furniture)
Take an old text book, if you’re in college and decided it wasn’t worth driving to the bookstore to sell your book back for 0.3% of its original value, for example, then cut a hollow out of it to hide the birth control pill package. No one is going to open that Organic chemistry text book or that advanced laboratory techniques textbook, especially if it is put on a bookshelf with more interesting reading materials
Finally, if push comes to shove, put the pill packs in a ziplock bag and tape it to the inside of the top of the toilet tank lid I don’t recommend this unless it’s a last resort and preferably if you have your own private bathroom.
Luckily, I don’t have to hide my birth control pills, but these are just a few places I was able to find around my house/room that actually fit the pill pack and hid it pretty well. I’m sure there are other places.
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