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If anyone wants to join AbortStigma, but doesn’t know where to start, I have a huge list of abortion experiences!
I’ve been home resting after my abortion this morning. If you’re curious, I wrote about my experience after the jump —>
Thank you for writing this!
how did you start the process of adoption? Like when the first thought crossed your mind, how did you even start looking into it? Were there any websites that were helpful, or did you hear something more through word of mouth?
I hope that you don’t mind me answering this publicly but I’ve gotten this question a few times so I figured it’d be a good way to get this part of the story out there.
So I planned on parenting as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I definitely wasn’t going to get an abortion and I pretty much refused to think about adoption, which makes sense, no one wants to think about “giving away” their baby and I had a lot of misconceptions about adoption, which I think a lot of teenage girls experiencing unplanned pregnancy do as well. At this point I wasn’t talking to the birth father because we disagreed on where to go from that point… Around 22ish weeks we started talking again and at this point I was more open to thinking about other options. Mostly because the more I love her, the more guilt I felt about the life that I knew we would be facing if I kept her, one of a lot of struggle. This was when I started researching adoption. Now, I have to warn anyone who is looking into adoption that the internet is not exactly the best place to research adoption. There are mostly horror stories and a slew of blogs of very bitter and heartbroken birth moms who regret or still haven’t come to accept their adoption. Many horror stories of open adoptions turned closed and adoptee’s who were forever scared by their legacy of adoption. This DOESN’T have to be your story! You make your own story, and this is what I have realized. That you can read a million and one adoption stories but these do not have to be true for you. There are just as many positive stories as good stories, it’s just that most of the time the people who feel the need to keep these blogs about how terrible there adoption has been are just not in a good place, and not enough people with success stories feel the need to write about it. So, moral of what I learned was that the internet isn’t the best place to research about adoption but it is a good way to get both sides of the story. I did research constantly for a long time, including statistics on teen parenting and adoption, which you sort of have to take with a grain of salt anyway.
I found my adoption agency through a fellow tumblr member who was planning an adoption for her child as well. This was the Independent Adoption Center. They were awesome the entire time! At about 23 weeks pregnant I had them mail me the packet full of perspective families that you can look through and contact. Only one family stuck out to us, and although the suggest you pick out your top five favorite, we only chose them, and low and behold they are our awesome adoptive family now :) The birth father and I talked through the pros and cons a million times, and this was a rocky road, it was not easy, and I suggest to any one looking into adoption for their child NOT to rely on the birth father through it all. They will not understand it, in fact no one really will, and you can’t take what people say to you very seriously. You have to understand that they can’t really understand, unless they are a birth parent themselves, and even then they could have had a completely different experience. When I was 24 weeks pregnant we finally composed and email to them, we also emailed with a few other families but it soon became apparent to us that this family was our family. We felt the immediate connection and they were exactly what we wanted. I really felt a since of peace among all the chaos in the bond we created with them, and still continue to create.
To anyone thinking about and open adoption I recommend reading amstel life’s blog on blogger.com and some of the other birth mom blogs she has linked to her profile. I also recommend reaching out to some birth mom’s. I emailed with several as I was making my decision and they were all incredibly supportive, helpful, and more than willing to share their stories. I also recommend finding the agency that it right for you. Find one that will care about YOU as the birth mother and not just getting your baby, because yes, that does happen. You need to be smart, do no let any one take advantage of you and if in your gut you feel like you are, then you are probably right. This is your party, and you call the shots. Also, when looking for an adoptive family use the same guidelines. Talk to several, and don’t feel guilty about getting their hopes up for nothing. It’s your right in an open adoption to pick the family you want your child to go to. And ultimately this is a fragile and intimate bond that has to be done right, I’ve been so incredibly luck. Also, do your research, be knowledgeable, make pro con lists until your heart is content, talk it out with someone, find support, and listen to your heart. Most importantly, listen to your heart!!!!
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